Suicide. One of the most tragic things in the world, in my opinion. There are so many people each year who leave this life by choice like that. So many more people are left to ask why they did it, and wonder what they could have done to prevent it. Maybe if they said 'I love you' a few more times. Or hugged that person more often. Maybe they needed to open their eyes and see the self destruction that was going on inside of that person right in front of them. I've wondered for years why I lost Alexis, or Lou as we all called her. I have wondered what it was that I could have done differently to make her want to stay. I have wondered so many hours why she felt it was her only option. I wish I knew.
Recently a beautiful soul from around where I live went the same way. I don't know her well or know what was going on in her life, but she did go. She decided life would be easier lived if she was no longer on the earth. She was a gorgeous girl, with so much potential. She had good friends, what seemed like a good family but for her, something wasn't right. There are rumors that her boyfriend had broken up with her and she was really torn up about it, but I hope to God that wasn't her reason for leaving. And even if it was, it isn't any business of those talking about it and spreading the possible rumor. I think all that matters now is that she was an amazingly sweet girl. She lived such a beautiful life and in the end those are the memories her loved ones and those close to her will want to remember. Everyone needs to let them.
Suicide sucks. Any sort of death sucks. The thought of losing someone close to me again hurts so so much. I don't get close to many people so thinking about the people I have let in my life and gotten close to thinking about losing them makes it hard to breathe. I wish the world was just a happy place where everyone sang songs with voices of gold and we all held hands and skipped everywhere. But I have to come to the reality that it isn't. I just hope that maybe if you're reading this and you're struggling with the trials in your life, you fight through them. Or ask for help. There is hope for you. Someone would be heartbroken to see you go. Probably more people than you know would have their whole life changed just because you decide yours is no longer worth living. Sometimes you don't know the impact you've had on someone's life until you are no longer in their life, and as much as that feeling sucks, you not being here would suck more. So please, if you can find the courage to keep on going. And if you feel like you have no one left, you have me. I don't care if I don't know you or if I don't know your story. The thought of a person leaving this world at their own free will breaks my heart. No matter what the struggle or the story, you have me. That's a promise.
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