Sometimes Life Just Gets Ya Down.

It's frustrating to be there for so many people, and feel like zero return the favor. I really just hate stuff like that. I'm there for you, but when I really need you you're no where to be found. I just don't understand it. It kind of just hurts, ya know? But I'm trying to just get over it, and realize that this is obviously life.

It's just frustrating because it's not only with friends, the people I'm choosing to let into my life, but also with my family. The ones who are always supposed to be there for me. I mean, sitting here typing this I can hear my mom and sisters in the other room talking about me behind my back. That isn't really something I like to hear. My dad and I constantly fight because "I just don't know how to shut my mouth" even though when he's around, I hardly say I thing anymore. It's just hard knowing I'm never going to be enough when I'm trying so hard to be whatever it is my parents and family want me to be.

And to make things even better, any boy who has come into my life lately has just been all about "getting down" something that yes, at one point in my life was something I did. But people change. Some girls are lucky and open their eyes and realize what a mess they've made in their lives, and do all they can to get better. It's just sad to think that boys still treat me like I'm just a piece of meat. I know it's surprising, but I do have feelings, and standards. I also have ambitions in life. I have goals. I want to go to more than just a back seat with a guy. Actually, that is somewhere I won't ever go again. I regret ever going there in the first place.

Focusing on where people are letting me down won't get me anywhere either. So I just need to try to keep my chin up the best I can I guess. It only gets better from here, right?