Rant, rant, rant.

I just don't get it. You could buy my mother the world, and she would still not be happy. She constantly complains about things that she could so simply fix herself. And maybe that's what gets me. It's not a once daily thing. It is all she talks about. The short comings of others. Constantly putting people down, calling names, making sure you know just what she thinks of you. On top of that, saying the meanest things about you when she thinks you are far enough away that you won't hear. She always says that people don't consider her feelings. But why would I want to consider hers, when she never considers mine? As a mom yes, she does a lot for me. But as a friend, like she wishes we were, no way. I constantly invite her to go out with me, I pay for dinners, pedicures, buy her things. And it is never enough. It's like on my worst days, all she wants to do is kick me down some more, and stand over me to say I've failed her once more. A girl can only take so much until she doesn't want to try anymore. 

I know this is just a show of my feelings of today, but it still hurts me to know that the one woman I'm supposed to constantly be able to look to for help would say such harsh and hurtful things when she doesn't think I'm listening. I wish we had a better relationship. But that's a two way street. And she is more than unwilling to meet in the middle, unfortunately. 

So for now, I will continue to ignore the hurt and these feelings because I still have to live in the same house and accept all of her rules. It's not what I'd wish to do, but for the moment it is the easiest thing to do.