This week has been a bit different. I started work, and I already absolutely love the job. I have two more weeks of training (BOO!) and then I have some floor training, which I can't wait for because when that's over I get to go solo and I'm so excited for it! Even though it's a few weeks away still. I love working, and I love learning all of this new information. I love feeling like I'm going to help so many people. I can't wait to see where this line of work takes me.
So, other than that.. Things here are pretty slow. I'm starting to miss Utah more than I ever thought I'd be able to. And I know it's probably because I haven't really made friends here and I know I will soon enough but it's more than that. There's this app called Tinder, right? Well it's a sort of dating app and I was using it to meet people (I'm so lame) and tinder matched me with this boy. He had the biggest green eyes, which is why I initially liked him in the first place. And then we got to talking and I started thinking "Holy cow, this guy rocks. I actually want to meet this kid!" And that's when we found out: we live 1058 miles away from each other. He lives in the town I just left. How unfair is that!? It's very unfair, if you ask me. He's the total package. He's so handsome, and he's intelligent. He loves math, and reading, and he has a passion in his life. He's even a return missionary! You may be going "Whoa, Brooke, slow down! You just barely started talking to this boy! You hardly know him! And you're so young! You don't need to be getting wound up in anything right now!" And I may agree with you and tell you you're right. Or I may disagree with you and tell you all the reasons you're wrong. I'm not even sure how I feel about him. I just wish we had met earlier. Or I wish he had plans of moving here. Because he's so perfect. From his head to his toes. Everything he tells me about him makes my heart smile so big. And he's so so so sweet to me. I can hardly contain the smile he makes me have! And even more importantly, he makes me want to be a better me. And I think that's so important to have in whoever any person ends up with. So, I've decided that with him inspiring me to do so (he doesn't know he inspired me to do anything, especially not this) I'm going to get back to my roots, and I'm going to go to church, and I'm going to straighten things in my life out.
Not for him, but for me. I've just needed a little push, and he gave me that. So even if I never meet Mr. Perfect in person, he will always be the man who helped me realize what I needed in my life, simply because as he talked to me, I could see little glimpses of all the good things I was told about the church growing up, all of the things I've seemed to forget over these past few rough years. I want to be a better person so that when the day does come and the man who loves me wants to take me to the temple, I can go with him. With a clean slate. So I can get married for time and all eternity.
So, I have set up a meeting with my new bishop. And boy, oh boy, am I nervous. But I know it's the right thing to do, and if I don't do it now I never will. And I will continue living a life full of regret and "what if's" And I'm not sure I could live with that much longer.
No matter what your beliefs are, I hope you know that when you feel the feeling to change or that you need to make things better, you have to listen to it. Because you'll feel it for a while and then one day you'll wake up and it'll be gone. Then a year or so later you'll wake up and think to yourself "Oh no, what have I done with this life of mine? It's such mess, how will it ever get better?" And you may think things you have done are unforgivable, and that you'll never get the love of god back that you once have. But that's where you're wrong. The times you were down the lowest were the times that he loved you the most. God will never leave your side (or whatever other greater power you believe in) You always have someone to turn to. And if it comes down to you thinking you have no one and that you're completely alone in the world, take a look around and you'll have me. I've been there. I am there right now. I have dug a hole so deep for myself that for a long time I wasn't sure I could get out.
But I can, and I will. I won't give up this time, no matter what I won't give up. Because not only do I deserve to make my life better but so does my family, my god and my future husband and my future family. So when times get rough and I feel like giving up, I'll remember who I'm really doing all of this for and I will keep strong and keep to my word.
God is good. Have a blessed night and week, all. ♡
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